I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just found puke in my bra..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
