I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
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