an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
