hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
