she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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