I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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