Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
