Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
