Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
