Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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