Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
