i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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