i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
