So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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