He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
