my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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