This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize