i permit you to call me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
