What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just cropdusted the office
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
