they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
