Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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