Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
