He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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