i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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