Dude my mom stole all your condoms
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
