The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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