did you get engaged???
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
