She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
