Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
