I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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