for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
