i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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