I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
