You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
