I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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