I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
