just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
