Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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