wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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