I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
