No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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