This is not my ceiling
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
