I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
