You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
