I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
