i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
