just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
