We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
