No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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