Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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