Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
