I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
