addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
