wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
