so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Pants are for mortals
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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