i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
