just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
