that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
