oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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