Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
