How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
false alarm. still invincible.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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