I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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