Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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