He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
and you fell through a lawn chair
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
