You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am available for nakedness
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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